Casual Friday.

Cleveland had a surprising amount of activity going on tonight. A few of us got together for the Tremont ArtWalk, and checked out works created by local artists. It was nice, although I wish some of the smaller galleries would invest in air conditioning. In some of the more crowded spots, the high temperatures, older architecture, and Tremont-townies made for some "interesting" aromas.

After the ArtWalk, we met friends for dinner at Waterstreet Grill on West 9th—my second time in two days. Let me just say that Waterstreet is my new favorite restaurant. Great food, great service, and an extremely relaxed atmosphere made for a perfect night. I'm disappointed by how often I overlook this unique place, especially when it is about 10 feet from my apartment.

On our way out, we decided to walk past the former location of Cloud 9, which is now inhabited by a lounge named Anatomy. It looked very cool on the inside, except for the lone drunk girl dancing like Urkel to "Don't Cha" by The Pussycat Dolls. Ah, Cleveland. Some things will never change.

I would even take an Applebee's.

If you know me, you’ve probably heard my tirade about the lack of mid-priced restaurants here in downtown. But on the chance that someone (read: a developer) from around Cleveland will hear my cries, I will share my thoughts once more:

1. Every restaraunteur who comes to downtown Cleveland mistakenly believes that this is New York City, despite the unemployment offices and empty lots throughout the city.
2. Naturally, this is because a number of fine dining spots are doing very well here—Metropolitan, Blue Pointe and Johnny’s to name a few.
3. Enterprisers have failed to recognize that this success is an exception and not the rule in Cleveland, especially when according to the U.S. Census Bureau, the median household income in Cleveland is just over $24,000.
4. People from surrounding cities and suburbs head to downtown for the fine dining spots, but generally dodge downtown like the plague for standard dining.
5. There are a number of mid-priced places here, but these places are far and few between. The Nauti Mermaid and Johnny Mango’s are examples of such restaurants.
6. What’s the ONLY restaurant downtown that consistently reaches max capacity? Sushi Rock. On half-priced-sushi night. What does this tell you?

Conclusion: We need more moderately-priced restaurants in downtown Cleveland.

A rare surprise.

As many of you know, I am quite a movie Nazi.

I've just seen one too many movies re-hashing the same tired themes, flashy CGI and lame orchestral wind-ups. To make matters worse, going to the theater is typically more painful than going in for outpatient surgery. When did everyone decide that it was okay to talk throughout an entire film?

Thank goodness for the theater at Cedar-Lee and the Cleveland Cinematheque. They're part of a dying breed of theaters where you can still watch a great movie without telling people to shut up the whole night.

Allright, so enough of my ranting.

I went to see a movie called "Year of the Dog" yesterday, and it was one of the best films I've seen in a long time. I never thought I would say it, but Molly Shannon absolutely blew me away. To be honest, I don't have the time or energy to describe the plot in a way that would do it justice, but let me say that I rarely feel this way about a film these days. It recently debuted in a few cities and received tons of critical praise, and it just started playing here. I don't know how long it will be playing in Cleveland, but I urge you to watch it. Soon.

Grow your own zombies.

Apparently, drugs can turn you into a Resident Evil extra. No Hollywood makeup or experience needed!

Faces of Meth

There's goodness in the world.

Sometimes I forget how much a compliment or friendly word can mean to someone. As you probably know, I've applied to a number of law firms throughout the year. Like every law student, I am prepared for a slew of rejections, which arrive in thin envelopes with a quick letter stating something to the effect of: Dear Applicant: Thanks but no thanks. Best of luck! I even know someone who has kept every single rejection letter to remind him of the "struggle." Well, two days ago, I decided to submit my resume electronically to a number of job postings on the internet. Usually, one is lucky to get a rejection letter, much less any response at all. But today I checked my email and to my surprise, I had an message from one of the firms I had applied to. Here is the body of the message: Dear Zak: Thanks for your resume. What an interesting background you offer! I think, though, because we do no intellectual property, that we are not likely a good fit. God's blessings on you though as you seek where He would have you serve. Steve Burlingham I seriously re-read the message about 5 times before I realized it wasn't some colossal joke. A sincere rejection letter. The first I have ever received. Strangely, instead of feeling shitty, I felt, well...optimistic. I still can't recall applying to this firm, but this attorney not only read my apparently misdirected resume, but sent me an email when tons of other firms would have ignored me altogether. It just goes to show that a little bit of thoughtfulness goes a long way.

...mostly we ate.

This weekend, Amber and I decided to do something totally different. So, the two of us went to none other than the THIRD ANNUAL DUCT TAPE FESTIVAL. This high-profile, ultra-exclusive event took place in the birthplace of duct tape- Avon, Ohio. In general, I am not a huge fan of festivals and fairs. This is mostly because of an awful experience I had on the Gravitron when I was much younger. (In case you don't know, the Gravitron is that spinning beast that pins you to a wall using the "magic" of physics). Anway, I am absolutely powerless to the delectible delights that only a low budget fair can provide. Nothing on planet earth is more glorious than a funnel cake or fried cheese-on-a-stick, and for this reason, the Duct Tape Festival sounded promising. Amber came over bright and early, and it was amazing outside. The fair had a bunch of different duct tape exhibits, live music and carnival games. We even took a picture in an "amazingly lifelike" re-creation of Hollywood made from...you guessed it, duct tape. We then walked around and examined each food vendor before plotting a binge strategy. From there, our afternoon consisted of nothing more than a shameless binge of slushees, gyros, funnel cakes, chocolate-covered bananas and more. In line for a funnel cake, I met a family who had never had one. I learned that they were from the West coast, and were unfamiliar with the funnel cake's intoxicating blend of flour, oil and sugar. Let's just say that I succesfully convinced them to try one of the Midwest's shining successes. I got a free roll of duct tape, and won a stuffed toy for the beagle to shred. Amber somehow won a big candle as well as some fake jewelery. All in all, it was a really fun day. Mostly this is because I had never even heard of the Duct Tape Festival. In parting, I'll leave you with this nugget that we spotted as we left.

Somewhere...a banjo plays.

I couldn't have prepared for the ambush that awaited me yesterday. It seemed like any other normal day. My friends and I were sitting together discussing contemporary political and religious underpinnings of our country, when out of nowhere, one of them busts out a fiddle. Next thing I know, they are in overalls with no undershirts, dancing around with linked arms and passing around a jug with an XXX on it. ...Okay so that's not how it happened. But I distinctly heard a banjo play as I was conned into going on this camping "vacation." Thankfully, we've made an agreement that I believe I can live with. I am free to bitch and complain about this impending torture until the day of the trip. Only then must I be a team player, and smile as I try to fall asleep in a tent with eight -EIGHT- people who reek of whiskey and feet. Check out the website for the travel company that puts the camping tours together.

Raft World

Curb Moments

Every once in a while I will be out with someone and have an incredibly awkard and almost unreal moment with a stranger. These strangers are typically customer service personnel or department store clerks, and the strange moments are seemingly pulled straight out of an episode of Curb Your Enthusiam. For those of you who haven't watched the show, it features a sucessful-but-unlucky man who frequently bumps into incredibly odd people and incredibly odd situations. A "Curb Moment," as I call it, is that moment when someone says or does something that literally makes you take a step back, largely from the sheer unbelievability of the situation. I have had many of these moments, and have decided to post them as they occur. So why am I writing about this now? Well, just a week or so ago I had a Curb Moment with the Grandels at an ADIDAS store and I am still laughing about it. We had all been in the store for a while, even talking with a few of the employees helping us out. We go to check out, and Ryan pays for a duffel bag he needed for work. Following this, I begin to pay for a pair of kicks I was excited to find for a steal. As the seemingly friendly saleswoman is handing me change from my cash purchase, and with the register OPEN, Amanda pulls out two dimes and a nickel and innocently asks "Can I give you this 25 cents for a quarter please?" No joke- The once friendly employee suddenly gets very stern and says "I'm sorry, no. That's against store policy." Amanda and I are at first bewildered by this statement. After a second we ask "Are you sure that's the policy if someone is PURCHASING something and the register is open?" The saleswoman again firmly says "Yes, I cannot give you change for any reason, that's the store policy." And with that, she shuts the register. The both of us just stood there stunned. That's a Curb Moment.

Goin' country

I'm not exactly sure why, but all of my friends are "hankering" for a trip to the country. All of a sudden, everyone I know wants to go camping and white water rafting. This involves purchasing/locating a tent and supplies, driving 5 hours to Virginia, sleeping in the woods, and then riding the "rapids" all weekend. Now, I'm no stranger to many country delights. I've gone fishing a bunch of times, and hell, I actually enjoy it. I've also eaten the scrambled-egg skillet at Cracker Barrel on a number of occasions. And last summer, believe it or not, I went RAPPELLING and liked it. I've included a photograph as proof of this activity. It appears as though everyone I know is under some strange hypnotic spell. Doesn't ten hours of driving and unrelentless paddling down a raging river seems more like...work? ...I say we skip the canoes and go to Chicago for the weekend.

Craziness!

The other night I was out eating with a few of my buddies when the craziest thing happened! My one friend looked up from his plate and proclaimed "BEEF!" Then my other friend shouted "RIBS" in this deep and loud voice! Following that, the friend sitting next to me yelled "PORK!" Next thing I knew, I couldn't resist and stuck up my fork and shouted "SAUSAGE!" Then we all laughed like it was the funniest thing that had ever happened! We felt so cool! **In case you don't know, this is based on that ridicuously retarded commercial for T.G.I. Friday's that runs 20 times a day.

West Virginia is for lovers, too.

This is from a real West Virginian wedding. Notice how human-like these strange creatures appear.

Dog years.

Most of us are familiar with the 7 to 1 ratio for calculating a dog's age based on human years. However, I recently read that the formula is not a very accurate one, and is being replaced with the following formula: 1. The first year of a dog's life represents 15 human years. 2. The second year represents 10 years. 3. For every year following, add 3 years. According to this formula, a 10 year old dog would be 49 years old (15+10+24). On a related note, I really don't know why anyone gives a damn how old a dog is based on human years. Enjoy!

The sitcom formula.

As you probably know, I have a very erratic sleep schedule. When I'm staying up late, I typically sit in bed and watch way too many 80s reruns. In fact, I believe I've become quite the connoisseur of old sitcoms, and as such, I have noticed a disturbing reality: all sitcoms, no matter how different, will have at least one episode in which the following plot "twist" occurs: 1. A lead character will undoubtedly be trapped in an elevator at a highly inconvenient time. Occurring simultaneously will either be a child birth or an earthquake. Often a wedding is involved. 2. Someone will bump their head or fall down and suffer from short-term amnesia, but will remember the location of everything in the house, and retain all motor functions. The only memories lost will be those of other lead characters, which will tearfully return within the final minutes of the show. 3. A lead character will give birth, forcing us to watch a simulated birthing session that invariably includes the soon-to-be mother turning to the man who knocked her up and screaming "You did this to me." 4. Not really a plot twist per se, but every sitcom starring a married black couple will unmistakably co-star 2 to 3 children of an oddly questionable and genetically impossible ethnic background. 5. Someone will die, resulting in an episode in which the cast goes to pay respects at a funeral. Hilarity will ensue. 6. A lead character will go to court for a soon-to-be-dropped charge, and address the judge as though he/she were a shoe shiner. There will be dancing or other wildly unusual antics in the courtroom.

Yipeee.

Finally...can it be? A sunny day in Cleveland? I'm trying to arrange a grill out with some friends, because I'm not wasting one second of it. Also, it's always nice to have friends with driveways for some auto-detail action. Now if only my bastardly friends would answer their phones. Their jobs are so inconvenient for me!

Class central!

And who is this elegant lady? Believe it or not, it's Coco, wife of rapper-turned-actor, Ice-T. She has clearly mastered the art of showing just enough skin to keep men guessing, without looking trashy.